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An Offshoot

Thursday, March 31, 2011

So, since arranging all the CCs into a gallery on Blogger is a ridiculous pain in my tuckus, I've started a Shutterfly, the sole purpose of which is to proudly display all the CCs in all their glory! So, head on over and take it all in. I'll add to it every week, and, once I have enough, I'll make a book, which, of course, will be open to you, the loyal reader. Enjoy!

CLICK ME!!!

Allow Me To Call Your Attention To This

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

So, what with Sucker Punch being the rotting corpse it was, you would not be blamed in the slightest if you were suddenly very worried about Zack Snyder's new film, Superman: Man of Steel. It's human nature.

Now, I am not that worried. Sucker Punch, in my opinion, failed because it was purely from Snyder's mind and he wasn't given any boundaries. No one told him when he went to far or when an idea he had was stupid. Superman is return to his usual tricks, what with it being an adaptation and all.

I'd like to point your focus to an article from Moviefone that I came across on Twitter. A blogging buddy of mine posted it, but I cannot for the life of me remember which one. Anyway, the article makes the case that Snyder will not only do fine with Superman, but that he is, in fact, the perfect director to helm the project.

Stop smiling! You got some repenting to do, you smug bastard!

The article makes the case that Sucker Punch will be a learning experience for Snyder.

"First of all, it's not like is unprecedented in Hollywood. Sucker Punch is Snyder's fifth full-length feature film, and the first that can be considered an all out misfire. In comparison, do you know what Steven Spielberg's fourth film was that hit theatre? 1941. Have you ever seen 1941? It is terrible (though, contrary to popular belief, it did make money. I promise you, patrons who paid their hard earned money to see 1941 were not happy with Mr. Spielberg that day either. What happened next? Spielberg learned, despite success, that not everyone will just magically love everything he throws at the screen. Should Spielberg have been removed from his next project - something called Raiders of the Lost Ark - as a result?"

Full article here.

Personally, I think it's gonna be David Goyer's script and Christopher Nolan's involvement as producer that are going to play the biggest roles in ensuring that the man from Krypton gets his due, but I think the article is on point. Snyder has realized that he's not invincible, and that his style means nothing without substance. Every great director in history has made at least one stinker. No reason to suspect that Snyder would be any different.

Cinematic Captions #13

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Alright folks! Cleverness caps on! Time to impress me!

But first, the winners from the last installment.

There were too many to choose just one, so here are your...

Honorable Mentions: "Trampolines. Don't go to war without one." (Courtesy of Univarn), "I hate it when the dwarf tossers run out of dwarves." (Courtesy of Hatter), "Like a Boss," (Courtesy of Simon).

And the winner is... FLETCH!!!!!


Before you say anything, no Fletch. I did not give you the victory because you oiled me up on the LAMBcast or because I could tag you on Twitter.

The Leaderboard
Castor (4)
Fletch (2)
Simon (2)
Univarn (1)
Kai (1)
Rachel (1)
Aiden (1)

I feel like a throwback is in order. Here ya go!


Amuse me!

The Bad Buzz Was Right!

Monday, March 28, 2011

I am crying bitter, pitiful tears of shame right now, folks. Tears of shame, for I have been led astray. Near the end of my 2010 retrospective, I declared Sucker Punch as my most anticipated movie of 2011. And why wouldn't I? It was an original work by one of my favorite, up and coming directors, boasted incredible visuals and action, and looked to tell a mind bending tale of liberation and sacrifice. Unfortunately, something foul found it's way into the mesh that made up the film, and caused the whole thing to fall apart at the seems. Sucker Punch is a mess, spilling over with one mistake and bad call after another. It's a movie of ambition, but nothing was done to capitalize on this ambition. I don't remember the last time I was so let down by a film. Disappointment, thy name is Sucker Punch!


Strut your stuff. It's the only reason you're here!

A young girl, nick-named "Baby Doll", is confined to the nuthouse by her abusive father in order to prevent her from telling the authorities of his crimes. She has five days left until a doctor arrives to lobotomize her. In order to combat all the misery around her, Baby Doll retreats into her own, imaginative mind. Since she, you know, values her life, and really wants to avoid getting a spike shoved in her eye, she quickly devises a way to escape from the asylum. To do this, she recruits four other girls to her cause, and they set out on their quest. As they go about it, Baby Doll's fantasies turn into pitched warzones across fantastical and supernatural battlefields. But, there are people, in the real world and in her mind, who would like nothing more than to stop her and her friends from making it out to freedom.

Ok, sounds cool right? It is cool, on paper, that is. In execution, this movie is one, enormous stew of misconstrued plot threads, abrupt tonal shifts, and confusing setting. Sort of like Inception, there are three levels of reality. One is the asylum, which is in the world that you are inhabiting. The second is a brothel/burlesque theatre. The third is the monster strewn battle ground of the week. It's clear, usually from what the girls are wearing, which level you're in, but, honestly, I don't see the point. Why couldn't Baby Doll just go to the battles from the asylum? Why does there have to be that weird thing with her dancing in the brothel that transports her to dragon kingdom?

The plot shifts tones so quickly, it gives you whiplash. Acts 1 and 2 are, actually, boring, because nothing really happens to the girls; there's no high stakes and everything is sort of cheery. Then, the film pulls and about face and makes Act 3 hyper dark and depressing. Too little, too late, if you ask me.

The five main women are comprised of relative unknowns, as has become standard for Snyder's pictures. As Baby Doll, Emily Browning is almost infuriatingly wooden, keeping one look of wide eyed innocence on her face the whole time. Abbie Cornish and Jena Malone fare a bit better as the hard-assed Sweet Pea and her sister Rocket. Vanessa Hudgens and Jamie Chung are both painful as the tomahawk wielding Blondie and the neck kissing Amber, respectively.

Carla Gugino adopts an absurd Russian accent for her role as Madame Gorski, the girls' psychiatrist/dance teacher, depending on which level of reality we are in. Jon Hamm has a nothing role as the lobotomist. He has, literally, five lines, and that's all.

The only one to really make an impression is Oscar Issac as the slimy and creepy Blue, the girls' orderly/pimp, depending on the level. He manages to find a way to work with Snyder's piss poor dialogue, and manages to make an effective, if cliched portrait of a snake. Everyone else fails, but he manages to save himself. Good for him.

You sure you wanna mess with this face?

Zack Snyder is an immensely talented man, but he should stick with adapting things. Up until now, he had yet to make a bad movie. Dawn of the Dead, and 300 were both better than expected, entertaining thrill rides. Legend of the Guardians was a pleasant surprise, and Watchmen remains one of the most criminally underrated movies I've ever seen. All of those were adapted from previous material. Sucker Punch, on the other hand, flounders where all of Snyder's other films flourished. Nothing works. The dancing thing is just stupid. The fantastical dreamscapes all seem to bleed together. Even the films mentality leaves a bad taste in your mouth. Snyder would have you believe that this is a tale of female empowerment disguised as a kick ass action film, but this is one of the more misogynistic things I've seen in a long time. The girls spend, literally, the entire movie in various forms of leotards, school girl outfits, and other forms of revealing attire. All the men in this movie are cruel, vicious, domineering individuals, while all the girls are helpless little waifs. There are aspects of this movie that are, quite simply, sick and a little perverse, and I don't know why Snyder made them so.

All this would be tolerable if Snyder had delivered the spectacular action that he promised, but he even comes up short in that department. Oh sure, the imaginary battlefields are all visually dynamic and full to bursting with pyrotechnics and the like, but, unlike 300, or even Watchmen, the action is boring. Only the final set piece, set on a futuristic train filled with homicidal robots, really provides anything remotely thrilling. The thing with the dragon is too short, and the shootout in the trenches with the Nazi zombies is just that, a shootout, and nothing more.

It is such a shame, because Sucker Punch, as a concept, is aces. But, at the end of the day, you have to ask, "What was the point?" And the truth is, there is no point. Sucker Punch has no reason to exist. Mindless, entertaining action is alright by me, but it needs to be done well, and nothing in Sucker Punch is done well, not the acting, not the story, or the style. I haven't given up on Snyder yet. Superman could still be fantastic, although that might have more to do with Christopher Nolan's involvement than anything. Sucker Punch, however, has changed my perception of him. It's one of the most disappointing movie going experiences of my life!




Your Sunday Funny #7

Sunday, March 27, 2011

All This Bad Buzz

Saturday, March 26, 2011

I really hope I respond favorably to it when I see it tonight.

Finger's crossed. Wish me luck!

For the Nerds

Friday, March 25, 2011

So, remember how I said in my Tron: Legacy review that all these sci-fi, campy, absurd products are a symptom of the geek/nerd culture infecting pop culture. Now, I don't say infecting with any negative connotation; I sort of love the new cultural norms that have been placed upon us. I only used such a harsh word because it fit with the symptom thing.

Wait, where was I?

Out of the ashes of this new world order, comes Paul, Simon Pegg and Nick Frosts satirization/love letter to nerd culture everywhere! Like Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz, Paul benefits from the over the top reverence that Frost and Pegg have for the genre. Unlike Shaun and Fuzz, however, Paul suffers from Pegg and Frost's lust for blood and, I'm sorry to say, isn't as consistently funny as you would expect coming from these guys. But, this is coming from a guy who isn't as well versed in nerd culture as... say... you! Yes, you, Maxwell!

That probably isn't your name, but it was worth it to screw with the heads of all the Maxwell's in the world.

Dude! Our headlamps are so cool!

Graeme and Clive are two British sci-fi fanatics who have finally made the pilgrimage to the nerd capital of the world, the San Diego Comic Con, after which, they rent an RV and go on a tour of alien sites in desert land, USA. Along the way, the pick up a hitchhiker. But this hitchhiker isn't your regular, precocious teen, backpacking across America. It's Paul, an alien who also happens to be crass, rude, vulgar stoner. He's just escaped the men in black suits and is itching to get back tho his ship, something that Graeme and Clive are all too willing to help with. Along the way, they pick up a god fearing woman and match withs with a pair of rednecks, feds, and creationists. All in a day's work.

Like the last two movies these guys made, Paul revels in absurdities. Things escalate quickly and get really out of hands for these two guys, but we love it. What character development there is is well done, and we are given a chance to care about these people as they tear it up in the desert. Pegg and Frost are very talented writers, and while the jokes don't come as fast and furious as they did in Shaun or Fuzz, it's still a well crafted tale.

Pegg and Frost play Graeme and Clive respectively. They both do the same schtick that they we've attributed to them, but, that schtick is so good, so, no one's complaining. They excel at the snarky, self deprecating, man child brand of humor that would be incredibly annoying in the hands of anyone less skilled. They are very sweet, likable, and very funny.

Kristen Wiig does a fine job as a religious nut who's faith is shattered by Paul's existence, as does Jason Bateman, all steely and dark as a fed hot on the trail of the Brits and their extra-terrestrial companion. Jane Lynch, David Koechner, Jeffrey Tambor, and Steven Spielberg (in voice form) all turn in memorable cameos.

Seth Rogen, however, steals the show as the voice of Paul. Rogen puts a whole lot of heart into his performance, and instantly makes us forget about everyone else when he enters the frame. It's some of the best voice work I've heard in a long time.

What? You're telling me you don't have a small alien in your company?

Director Greg Mottola knows his way around a laugh. He is the man behind Superbad and Adventureland, two of the best comedies of the last decade. He works his magic here as well, providing some of the best humor we've seen in a while. Unfortunately, there are quite a few stale spots, especially in the beginning of the film, where there aren't very many laughs. The comedy really starts going once Paul enters the frame, but that's not for a good twenty minutes. Also, the level of violence in the third act seemed a tad out of place. I mean, I'm used to Pegg and Frost giving us a bevy of graphic carnage with a dry wit to it, but that worked for Shaun and Fuzz, because the films being parodied there are inherently violent. The nerd films that Paul is making fun of? Not so much. I'm not saying it's a bad thing. It just didn't fit all that well.

To be fair, a lot of the humor in this film went way over my head, due to my not being a huge nerd. There were tons, literally, TONS, of moments that I knew were supposed to be funny, but went right over my head, simply because I didn't know what said moment was making fun of. However, the moments I did get, were hysterical. The moment where Jason Bateman shoots his walkie talkie, ending a talk with his superior, then coyly declares that, "It was a boring conversation anyway"? HILARIOUS!!! But, had I been more "in" with the culture, I feel like I would have a greater appreciation for this thing.

Paul deserves an Ecstasy, but it's getting a Satisfaction, because I know that you will not enjoy the film as much if you aren't a part of the Comic Con culture that this movie is so enamored with. To be fair, it's a well written, very funny, and smart. But, many of it's jokes and gags were lost on me, simply because I didn't know what they were from. The ones I did know about, however, rang like a chinese gong! Definitely see Paul. You just might want to watch a couple hundred Star Trek episodes before you do.




Trailer Trash: Captain America: The First Avenger

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Time to root through some trailers. What sorts of wonderful things will be alluded to today?

The Super Bowl spot for Patriot Man's foray into big screen megalomania gets expanded into a full trailer, and it's not much better. I mean, it's still cool, but didn't get me very much more excited than the spot.

I will say this. Chris Evans looks like he's actually acting in this, if the trailer is to be believed. To my knowledge, he's only acted twice before, in Cellular and Sunshine, and he shone in both of them, so, I'm cautiously optimistic.

Ok, that's about it. I'm still feverishly anticipating this one, but this trailer does nothing. Oh well. Decide for yourself. Here it is.

According to the Movies #28

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

If the movies say it, it must be true.

Despite all the blood, guts, sex, nudity, foul language, and debauchery that modern day films are rife with, the fact the remains that Hollywood is, at it's heart, a wholesome industry. In no way does it condone the blood, guts, sex, nudity, foul language, and debauchery that modern day films are rife with... unless, you know, it's supposed to be cool.

In reality, there is nothing Hollywood hates more than smoking. They hate it so much, that they even include smoking as a rating now. Did you know that, if one person lights up, your film will not get below a PG? Ridiculous!

Anyway, my point is this. In recent times, have you ever seen any one smoke on screen that was supposed to be likable who didn't come from a Scorsese movie? Example: Bond hasn't smoked since Connery.

The Lesson: These days, no one smokes in the movies unless they are villains, or European. After all, Hollywood doesn't want to promote it.

If only Nick Naylor was a real guy...

Cinematic Captions #12... Still....

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Uhh... yeah.

So, I was experiencing some catastrophic computer troubles last week. I went to Apple store on Saturday to get my troubles alleviated, but, that required getting my computer wiped of all data that was on it. And, of course, I left my external hard drive at Bard, and I'm on spring break in Utah. My own stupidity can even surprise myself.

Anyway, since the 300 screen grab some truly excellent submissions, I'm going to keep the contest open for another week. If you already submitted, and want to do it again, I will consider both of them. If you didn't submit, get on it!!!

Here ya go!

In Other News: JoGo's Dark Knight Character

Monday, March 21, 2011

He's playing Alberto Falcone.

For those who didn't pay attention during Batman Begins, Carmine Falcone was the big, bad crime boss who had a lot to do with the death of Bruce Wayne's parents, and was the first big shot that Batman took down. He then got the bad end of Jonathan Crane's fear drug. Alberto is his son.

In the comics, Alberto was outcast from his father's business because, apparently, Carmine wanted him to have a normal life. Guess Alberto was the Michael to Carmine's Vito. But, the little Falcone had other plans, and went on to become the Holiday Killer, a murderer who only struck on, go figure, holidays. Since The Dark Knight Rises is going to wrap up the story, bringing it back Falcone is certainly in the books.

If anything, this, effectively, kills all rumors that Robin will be showing up, since JoGo was the only one of the confirmed cast who could have played him. While it does seem like there's gonna be a lot of villains in this one, Nolan is better storyteller than to fall victim to the "multiple baddie plague". After all, TDK had The Joker, Two-Face, Sal Maroni, Scarecrow, Lau, Gambol, and the Chenchen. And, last I checked, TDK turned out alright.

Anyway, that's something new. I'm still excited!

Wow, the resemblance is uncanny!

Addendum: This news is false. I just found out today. Serves me right for reporting on it so prematurely. 

Your Sunday Funny #6

Sunday, March 20, 2011

I am so sorry for this, but I just couldn't resist.

Desert Island CD

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Damn it! I thought I got off this stupid island for good! Where's my volleyball?

It seems that Castor just doesn't have a purpose in life if he isn't bringing us all together to participate in some glorious blog-a-thon of his own creation, but we love him for it, so complaints here. This new one is deceptively simple, and oh so tricky. Inspired by Andy's Desert Island DVDs event, Castor is hosting a Desert Island CD event. Here's how it works.

Trapped on an island, with only one compact disc, and one disc player with infinite battery life, we are allowed to choose the 12 songs that populate said disc. The catch? They all have to come from movie soundtrack. Damn! And here I was, ready to go with the twelve Muse songs I couldn't live without. Guess that'll have to wait for another time.

Anyway... Here are my choices. The twelve movie soundtrack songs I can't live without, in no particular order.

Check out the lists of everyone else who participated, here!

This isn't the album I ordered! Damn you Amazon!!


12. "A Familiar Taste" from The Social Network (Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross)
Reznor and Ross' excellent score for the "facebook" movie deservedly won that Oscar, and this is, in my opinion the creme de la creme of the album. All the tracks are excellent, but this one just gets me every time. The second the overdriven guitar comes in at around the minute mark? So good!



11. "End Credits" from Tron: Legacy (Daft Punk)
Daft Punk knocked it out of the park with their epically awesome score for the Tron sequel. Combining their traditional electronic sounds and beats with symphonic melodies is a match made in heaven, and the end credits of the film fully epitomizes that.



10. "Signal to Noise" from Gangs of New York (Peter Gabriel)
When the brutal Battle of the Five Points starts in Martin Scorcese's epic, you get the usual, somber, orchestral stuff. But then, out of nowhere, the twangy guitars and powerful bass explode out of your speakers and you are left dumb founded! It's a good feeling!



9. "The Departed Tango" from The Departed (Howard Shore)
A crime drama about mid-level Boston-Irish mobsters and their all out war with the Massachusetts Sate Police, with Leonardo DiCaprio, Matt Damon, Jack Nicholson, and Mark Wahlberg, set to Spanish guitars? HELL YES!!!



8. "Time" from Inception (Hans Zimmer)
As a finale, it doesn't get much better than this. Listening to this as Christopher Nolan's masterpiece comes to a close, you really get the sense that you just experienced something otherworldly. The song gets your blood pumping and your heart racing, as only the best can.



7. "El Tango de Roxanne" from Moulin Rouge (The Police... sort of...)
The excellent soundtrack to Baz Lurhman's risky, but ultimately splendid, film hits all the right notes. This imaginative take on The Police's "Roxanne" is the most original, gripping, and entertaining of the lot. Also, the end is so unnecessarily over the top, just like any good musical should be.



6. "Rawhide" from The Blues Brothers (Frankie Laine)
Dan Aykroyd and John Belushi. Nuff' said!



5. "The Duel" from Crossroads (Steve Vai)
There is, literally, nothing better than hearing someone bust out a classical guitar solo on a distorted guitar! Literally! Nothing!



4. "Whatever This Song Is Called" from There Will Be Blood (Johnny Greenwood)
Easily the best score of the last ten years, this song, the name of which escapes me, is the backing for the film's most memorable scene. It's haunting, scary, and beautiful! Well done, Mr. Radiohead! Well done indeed!



3. "The Return of the King" from The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (Howard Shore)
This one gets the notice over every other song in Shore's impeccable catalog of music from Middle Earth because it leaves you with such a great feeling of catharsis. The journey is done; the king crowned! The song touches on every single iconic piece from the whole trilogy. Everything about LOTR is amazing, especially the score. If you want a taste of all the wonderful things it has to offer, just give this one a listen.



2. "The Godfather Waltz" from The Godfather (Nino Rota)
It's become one of the most iconic scores of all time. So subtle. So restrained. So timeless!



Made doubly awesome when played by Slash.



1: "Supermassive Black Hole" from Twilight (Muse)
Seriously? Did you honestly think this wouldn't be on here? No, it's not cheating! It was in Twilight! As much as it pains me to say it, that counts!

In Other News: The Wolverine

Friday, March 18, 2011

All hopes of the Wolverine sequel being any good have now been thrown out the window with the news that Darren Aronofsky will no longer be directing Hugh Jackman as everyone's favorite metal boned mutant. Aronofsky's reasoning behind this is that working on the project would keep him out of the country and away from his family for too long, something he wasn't willing to do.
...
Really, man? I can understand not wanting to be away from home for so long, but this was an opportunity missed. After the tidal wave of acclaim that came with Black Swan, Aronofsky's next logical move was to capitalize on said acclaim, and make a popcorn flick. At least, that was what the smart move was. Aronofsky could have kicked ass with the Wolverine character, finally giving the Marvel-verse its Batman, a dark, conflicted, brutal hero. Guess it's not to be.

Now, the film is set in Japan, so the current crisis there might have had something to do with this. Nature can be so troublesome sometimes.

No claws for this guy anymore...

Now, be honest. How much does this suck?

...

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Unfortunately, I will not be able to write up a post today, as I am away from my desk.

Wait...

Uhhhh...

BATMAN!!!

It's That Time Of Year Again...

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Time for March To Box Office Madness! You have fifteen days to submit your brackets. It's the same deal as always, and since I can't be bothered to explain the rules to you right now, here's the link to LAMB article laying it all out for you.

Large Association of Movie  Blogs

In Other News: Tron 3???

OH BOY!!! SHIT JUST GOT REAL!!!!!

This is the teaser that is included with the Tron: Legacy Blu-Ray. Gotta say, I am intrigued. The trailer touches on quite a lot that wasn't covered in Legacy, like the "Flynn Lives" movement, or more corporate espionage regarding Encom. Also, Ram is back. Oh yes!!!

Cinematic Captions #12

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Alright, my midshipmen of mayhem! Cleverness caps on! Time to impress me!

But first, last week's winner!!!

Honorable Mention: "Who needs work when you shit gold!" (Courtesy of Univarn)

THIS WEEK SEES THE RETURN OF THE CCC!! THE WINNER, FOR THE FOURTH TIME IS... CASTOR!!!!


I was really hoping some would use "You don't want to know what condition my condition was in!" as their entry, but, you can't be too specific in times like this.

The Leaderboard

Castor (4)
Simon (2)
Fletch (1)
Univarn (1)
Kai (1)
Rachel (1)
Aiden (1)

I feeling epic this week. Here ya go.


Amuse me!

EAT YOUR PIE, YOU JARHEADED PATRIOT!!!!

Monday, March 14, 2011

As I stated in my verbal reaming of Skyline, there is a subconscious facet of my personality that is a direct result of my living in San Francisco. Said subconscious facet is the desire to see the city of Los Angeles get blown up real good. The bigger the explosions the better. Skyline sought to satiate my cravings. Unfortunately, it got caught up in how inept it was and all I was left with was a rusty taste in my mouth. Now, we have Battle: Los Angeles, which claims to be everything Skyline was not. B:LA claims to be filled with vicious invaders, brutal firefights, and more explosions than you could shake a Roland Emmerich script at. It succeeds where Skyline failed, but is does more than this. Battle: Los Angeles, while still loud, frenetic and stupid, is actually better than most people are giving it credit for. Indeed, this may be one of the most pleasant surprises of 2011. It's a frenetic, gritty, sci-fi actioner, but the script and acting are better than usual. While watching it, I had an epiphany. Battle: Los Angeles is what a Michael Bay movie should be, if Michael Bay was actually, you know, competent.

I sure could use some freedom fries right now!

It's a bright, sunny day in the city of angels. The surfers are out, doing there thing. The movie stars are no doubt, being movie stars, and Staff Seargant Nantz has just been honorably discharged from the Marines. All's well and good, if it weren't for the barrage of meteors that suddenly come streaking out of the sky, smashing into the ocean just off the coast of Santa Monica. Nantz is called back into service as his platoon is mobilized to assist in the evacuation of personnel from the area. Things take a turn for the worse though, when it is revealed that said meteors are, in reality, ships containing thousands of hostile aliens, who are hell bent on blowing the snot out of everything human in their way. Soon, Nantz and his team are fighting a desperate battle to retake Los Angeles against an enemy far more advanced then any they have ever faced. 

B:LA
wastes no time in getting to the point. We spend a few minutes getting to know the people we'll be spending the next 2 hours with and then it's all "ALIENS SHOUTING SHOOTING EXPLOSIONS ALIENS AGHGHGHGHGHGHGH!!!" We aren't really clued into why the aliens are there (some guy on TV theorizes it's for our water), but I actually was alright with this. The story is told, exclusively from the perspective of Nantz and his men. They are never told the intentions of the invaders, and, to be honest, it doesn't really matter. They are there, wreaking havoc, and it's Nantz's job to stop them. Plain and simple. There are some underdeveloped attempts at fleshing out backstories of the cast, but all are forgotten when the gunfire starts. The only purpose the script has is to quickly and efficiently move the characters along from one pitched battle to the next, and, in that sense, it's a success. 

Aaron Eckhart is far better actor than this material deserves, but he gives it his all, and does a pretty solid job as Nantz. The character has some demons and sort of a bad reputation with his men due to a call on a previous mission that got some good men killed. It's clear, right from the off, that Nantz is feeling the clichéd guilt, but Eckhart does a better job conveying said guilt than he needed to. He grounds the film emotionally, and we thank him for it. 

And that about does it for performances worth talking about, since no one else is really given much else to do. Michelle Rodriguez shows up as the token female badass, and Bridget Moynahan plays a civilian vet whose skills literally come in handy at one point. I will single out Ramon Rodriguez, playing the platoon's baby faced lieutenant, if only because he somewhat redeems himself for whatever the hell he was doing in Transformers 2.

To the movie's credit, the performances are better than usual. I just wish that the writers had given the cast more to work with, because they are capable of it. Oh well, at least Eckhart is on hand to deal with the heavy stuff. Everyone else, I guess, is content to just shoot things. 

We are going to need bigger guns!

Director Jonathan Liebesman effectively creates a mash-up of Black Hawk Down and District 9. How does he do this? By copy/pasting both of those films into one document. The action is shaky and intimate, like in Black Hawk Down, but, it's not afraid to introduce some cool and over the top things, like in District 9. It's filmed like a documentary, like District 9. A ship rises slowly from under the street in which it was buried, like in District 9. The marine's opposition is more fond of staying on the rooftops and setting up ambushes than running pell mell at them, like in Black Hawk Down. The "creative homages" don't stop there. B:LA has explosions up the ass, much like a Michael Bay film, and said explosions are usually courtesy of the hovering ships raining fiery death down on the fat angelinos, like in Independence Day. Hell, Liebesman was so "influenced" by these films, he even made the "voices" of the aliens the exact same as the prawns from District 9.

But, you know, if he does a good job of mixing all these qualities into a good package, than there's really nothing to complain about, and Liebesman does just that. B:LA may be hopelessly derivative of it's predecessors, but it's at least honest about it and doesn't apologize at all. At the end of the day, it's a damn entertaining romp. The action is furious and exciting, and a lot of the smaller touches that Liebesman utilizes do a lot in making the world he's created more convincing. Bodies litter the streets the marines are trekking through, and the bombed out shells of buildings and the ravaged freeways look damn realistic. Most of this is credited to the damn good special effects, but, you know, the director had a hand in this somewhere.

Battle: Los Angeles is a B-movie, but it's a good B-movie. Sure the script and characters are underdeveloped, and aspects such as the intention of the invaders is never fully explained. But the movie is a lot of fun, and significantly better made than I think any of us expected. Give it a chance, it might surprise you. I'd like to close this review by respond to a quip made about B:LA by one, Roger Ebert. In his review of the movie, Ebert - shamelessly, I might add - basically says that any man who goes to this film and enjoys it is bad boyfriend material. To that I say, "Yo, Ebert. I saw it. I enjoyed it. And I think I'm a good boyfriend. So, shut it!" Well, I'm done with that. Watch the skies for falling objects folks. You know what they signal.




What Dull Teeth You Have

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Thank you Twilight. Thank you for warping our notions of what teenage girls like. Really, who knew that gothic imagery, hoaky storytelling, scenery chewing acting, and alt-rock soundtracks was really the bees knees? We owe it to you, then, for Red Riding Hood, a reimagining of the classic fable filled with, you guessed it, gothic imagery, hoaky storytelling, scenery chewing acting, and alt-rock soundtracks. It's by the same person who gave us Twilight, and it's no better. Sure, the wolf may have a vicious bite, but this movie is not interested in showing us the nitty gritty. It toes the line, but never crosses it, and that is not a good thing. Is Red Riding Hood awful? No. But, it's hard to excited about all the same. 

Huh... I forget my name. Was it Bella?

So, there's some untitled village in some unnamed European country in some undisclosed time period. In this village lives Valerie. She has the good (or bad, depending on who you ask) fortune of being exponentially hotter than every other female, and, as such, has many a man vying for her affections. One of them, an über rich suitor, seeks her hand in marriage, but she would rather run off with the poor as dirt, but oh so charming, wood cutter. Unfortunately, all this angsty angst is constantly interrupted by the monthly werewolf attacks on their village. Eventually, the town elders have had enough of the lupine menace and decide to outsource to the church for help. Enter Father Solomon, a religious zealot with a serious grudge against werewolves. He divulges that the wolf is someone living in the village, and that everyone is suspect. Soon, it is revealed that, shocker, Valerie holds a deeper connection to the wolf, causing her to doubt everyone she knows, including the man she has come to love.

Shit! I'm getting Stephanie Meyer terrors just writing that. The plot takes considerable, CONSIDERABLE, liberties with the fable on which it's based. Really, all they used the source material for, it seems, was Valerie's red cloak and the wolf thing. Every thing else seems ripped from every angsty, supernatural, teen drama ever created. Ai-yi-yi.

Valerie is played by Amanda Seyfried, or, as Movie Bob likes to call her, "Hottest Thing on Two Legs".  She's alright. You'll be hard pressed to take her eyes off her, but that might be because she is so beautiful. But, she does do a better job than the material allows, but it's still not very good. It's sad, because Amanda Seyfried is a damn good actress. Mean Girls was not a fluke, but she just keeps taking roles in movies that do allow for her to show off her talent. Chloe anyone? (God, that movie was awful!)

Other roles fall to Billy Burke as Valerie's alcoholic father, Virginia Madsen as her adulterous mother, Shiloh Ferndandez as suitor number 1, Max Irons as suitor number 2, and Lukas Haas as a pathetic priest. Julie Christie shows up as Valerie's grandmother. None of these people go far beyond showing up, reading their lines and performing their actions. No one seems to be really trying.

Thank God, then, for Gary Oldman! As Father Solomon, Oldman chews more screen than I think there was screen to offer, but, he does a great job doing it. Oldman is, probably, the greatest actor to embrace camp such as this, and it shows. He's the only one here who gives it his all, and prevents the movie from being a total disaster.

This is the most you're gonna get. 

Director Catherine Hardwicke is no stranger to this type of movie. She did, after all, direct a movie I may have mentioned once or twice already in this review. She brings more style and pizzazz to this than she did the tale of Bella and her undead boy toy, but the same issues that plagued that vampiric festival of mediocrity plague Red Riding Hood. Hardwicke continuously gets lost in attempting to make us care about the love triangle between Valerie and her two suitors rather than the more interesting aspects of the story, like Solomon's fanaticism. Would be fine, if the love stories were developed at all, and if Seyfried and her two male counterparts had any chemistry to speak of. Sadly, neither of those is true. Valerie just loves Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome because he is tall, dark, and handsome. There's nothing to suggest at something more; we're just meant to accept that she loves him because he is the most mysterious. Sorry, not good enough. 

To be fair, a lot of the films problems, I feel, came from the studio, and not Hardwicke. See, it seems like Hardwicke wanted to go darker with the film, but the studio wouldn't let her go beyond the boundaries of a PG-13 rating. There are moments that push the boundaries of PG-13 of violence and sex. The wolf attacks are actually quite violent and can get pretty graphic. And then there's a titillating "roll in hay" that you just know Hardwicke wanted to farther. It's a shame, because the movie could have benefitted from more blood and a lot more sex. This is camp, and camp doesn't work unless you take it over the top. Unfortunately, nothing is taken over the top, and we are punished for it. 

Red Riding Hood is a step in the right direction for this perplexing sub-genre. It features better acting than it's big brothers, and has darker sensibilities which make for a better movie. But the cons far outweigh the pros. Go for some werewolf action and Gary Oldman. If that's not enough for you, than, stay far away. This wolf's teeth aren't big or sharp. They are rather unintimidating. 






Your Sunday Funny #5 (On A Saturday)

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Other Sides To the Conversation: Week of March 11th

Friday, March 11, 2011

They want to make sequels and prequel's to Blade Runner????!!!!???? The catalyst for the 2012 apocalypse has been found. Now, we have to destroy it! Join with me, brothers! Let us fight! Let us drink to the power! Drink to the sound! Thunder and metal are shaking the ground! Drink to your brothers who are never to fall! We are brothers of metal here in the hall!

They'll be our harbingers!

I swear to you. This thing about Manowar is completely healthy.

Anyway, here are some things upon which you can click, which will take you to new things, upon which you can read.

In a not so subtle stroking of my own ego, here's my conversation with Hatter on Say Anything. I know I already put this up yesterday, but, screw you! Any publicity is good publicity!

Darren of the m0vie blog give us some of his excellent Non-Review Reviews. See him blast through Armageddon and Piranha 3D.

Our friendly neighborhood Kaiderman lists off his favorite alien movies in honor of Battle: Los Angeles opening today.

Tom reviews one of the best movies of last year, 127 Hours. I wish I could say it was as EXTREME as mine, but that would be lying.

Finally, LAMB Movie of the Month is being brought back. For the kick-off, we have a real winner, Black Dynamite. All are welcome to participate.

FOR FREEDOM!!! BEAUTY!!! TRUTH!!! AND LOVE!!!!

Talking Say Anything With Hatter

Thursday, March 10, 2011

I had the good fortune of being involved with the latest installment of Hatter's "Falling For the First Time" series, where a guest blogger watches a classic that they've never seen, and chat with Mr. Matinee about it keeping in context how said classic has aged. I landed the coveted job of having to watch Say Anything. What did I think? Click the pic.

Glee Review: Sexy

Gwyneth Paltrow holding a condom and a cucumber. That's probably somebody's fantasy.

So, for some reason, New Directions is fixated on boning this week. Unfortunately, all this accomplishes is bringing to light how naive the club is when it comes to the intricacies of sex. Lucky for them, that devilishly seductive substitute, Holly Holiday, is back, and willing to get down to the nitty gritty with the kids. This is the catalyst for some serious shit to go down.

First off, the throwaway line in the Sectionals episode last season that alluded to Brittany and Santana engaging in... uhh... sapphic pleasures has developed into a full on subplot, and a heavy one at that. They turn to Holly to help them figure out whatever it is that have, which leads to Santana making a pretty shocking discovery about herself.

Meanwhile, Kurt and Blaine, having been informed by Sue that New Directions are sexing up for Regionals, decide to bring up their appeal as well. Unfortunately, Kurt knows next to nothing about sex, and Blaine is legitimately worried. The kid is a junior in high school and he's hopelessly ignorant. Blaine appeals to Burt to have 'the talk", something that neither of the Hummels is very keen on doing.

Finally, the reappearance of Holly into his life has made Will do some thinking. He realizes that he's incredibly attracted to her, and wants to be with her. Unfortunately, Holly is, as she puts it, "damaged goods", and is not keen on engaging in anything serious. While this is going on, Emma is finally forced to address her sham of marriage to Carl. Oh, and Quinn gets back with Finn.


Yeah. Pretty heavy stuff on the relationship front in this episode. I wish to applaud the writers for their skilled work on the Brittany/Santana dynamic. Here was something that could have easily gone down the "exploitation for the purposes of comedy" path, but it didn't. Instead it went down the, "Yes, we're ok with dealing with lesbians! Deal with it!" path. The fact that Santana may be a lesbian is a very good idea for the character, and certainly something that we did not expect to be seeing from her when she auditioned for the club in the second episode of the series. It was very well told, and Naya Rivera did some of her best acting of the whole series in the scene where she confesses her love to Brittany. It's the first time where I've actually felt sympathetic for Santana, and the moment was more than welcome. I can't wait to see where this goes.

Music wise, the episode was a step up from "Blame it on the Alcohol", but still not great. Holly's down and dirty rendition of Gary Glitter's "Don't You Want To Touch Me" took it a bit far, but was still a good time. The Warbler's song, Neon Trees' "Animal" was alright, but what the hell was that bubble cannon for? Brittany, Santana, and Holly's soulful take on The Dixie Chick's "Landslide" was adequate, elevated by some baller acting by Rivera and Heather Morris. Emma's horrendous take on "Afternoon Delight" made me want to rupture my ear drums. Finally, Will and Holly's cover of Prince's "Kiss" was awful at the start, but got better. Also, that scene was friggin' hot, so a little creepy falsetto is something I can look past.

Humor wise, Glee, once again, offered plenty of juicy material. Of course Brittany would think that the stork who built a nest on her roof is a sign that she's pregnant. Of course Lauren and Puck would be looking into making a sex tape. Of course Finn would mistake Holly's demonstration of proper condom use to mean that a cucumber can give you aids. Ay-Yi-Yi! Good stuff.

Well, it all comes down to this. Regionals are next week. Can't wait to see what Rachel comes up with. I am really hoping that the writers don't let the Santana/Brittany plot be forgotten; it's too good for that. Looks like Paltrow might become a semi-regular now that she and Will are together. Ok then. Would be fine, if Emma didn't just effectively end her relationship with Carl. Jesus, why can't these people go drama free for one week. AGHGHGHGH!!!

So, Holly made a sex tape with JD Salinger. I think my mind just exploded!

Trailer Trash: Puss In Boots

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

It's time to root through some trailers. What sorts of wonderful things will be alluded to today?

A spin off of the Shrek series? Featuring one of it's most annoying characters? Can anyone tell me how to knot an effective noose?

All I can say is this. This bastard better make some fucking money. It's part of my crew for Castor's Fantasy League, and I have a decent amount staked on it. Puss. I don't know what wily charms you have, I really don't care! JUST WORK THEM!!!

Here's the trailer. It sucks. Get over it.

Cinematic Captions #11

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Alright my fiery little demon bitches! Cleverness caps on! Time to impress me!

First, at the request of Fletch, here is a caption of my own creation.


Quite proud of that one.

Ok, moving on.

Before we continue, last week's winner!

Honorable Mention: I'm wearing a fireplace for a hat. (Courtesy of Kai)

AND THE WINNER, FOR THE FIRST TIME, IS... AIDEN!!!


See, Mr. CutTheCrap? See what you can accomplish when you move beyond the fecal matter?

The Leaderboard

Castor (3)
Simon (2)
Fletch (1)
Univarn (1)
Kai (1)
Rachel (1)
Aiden (1)

We're keeping it classy this week.


Amuse me!

In Other News: G.I. Joe Casting

Monday, March 7, 2011

So, according to a tweet by Rise of Cobra star, Rachel Nichols, a lot of the main cast won't be returning for G.I. Joe's second outing in it's on going fight with Cobra. All well and good, if you ask me; the cast of Rise of Cobra was only marginally better and more interesting to watch than paint drying, but this news gives me pause. Does this mean that JoGo won't be dawning that awful looking mask to play über baddie, Cobra Commander?

Sorry. Guess my Darth Vader ripoff wasn't good enough for you!!!!

If so, good for him. I mean, it's not like he's starved for work now. He just stole the show from under Leonardo DiCaprio's nose in the biggest blockbuster of last year, and has recently been slotted into the BIGGEST MOVIE OF ALL TIME, so a departure from something as mediocre as an action film directed by the guy who made Step-Up and the Justin Bieber documentary is more than alright with me.

However, JoGo's departure from the project effectively kills all chances of me seeing it. He was the only element to Rise of Cobra that was entertaining, so unless they get Daniel Day-Lewis to play Cobra Commander, I'm out. Well done Paramount! Now where are you gonna get my ten dollars. Your loss.

Oh wait! Does this also mean that The Ninth Doctor won't be back either? Are you guys trying to piss me off now?

Get this man a TARDIS!!!!!

Your Sunday Funny #4

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Speaking of Gangs of New York...

Saturday, March 5, 2011

...here's something for you to masticate.

The Streets Run Red

After having to sing their music everyday for the better part of a month, I find myself suddenly very interested in the absurdities that make up the heavy metal band, Manowar. As far as I know, they take themselves completely seriously, but everything about them is so cliche, from their leather costumes to their love of hotrods. If my memory serves, they were first created as a parody of how stupid metal had become, making songs about norse mythology, swords and fantasy, brotherhood, and just how all around awesome metal is. But, then they got popular, and have since continued to do the exact same thing for the past two decades. Their music is, quite simply, awful, but so ludicrous that I sort of love it. Any band that makes it a mission of their's to expel "wimps and posers" from the hall is alright by me.

What does this have to do with Gangs of New York? Absolutely nothing. It was just on my mind and I couldn't think of anything poignant to say as an intro.

We Own These Streets Bitch!!



Gangs of New York
tells the story of tumultuous time in American history. The Civil War is ravaging the nation, the first mandatory draft is imminent, and gangs rule the streets of New York, the most notorious of which is i headed by the well spoken, sadistic, racist Bill "The Butcher" Cutting, who rules the area known as The Five Points with an iron fist, treating everyone who isn't a "native" with scorn and ridicule. The Irish get it particularly bad. Into this picture comes Amsterdam Vallon, an American born Irishman whose father was killed sixteen years ago by Cutting. He enters the frame with the intention of avenging his father's death, but as he begins to get closer to Cutting, he finds himself conflicted as The Butcher takes him under his wing. Eventually though, Cutting's cruelty towards the Irish and his treacherous ways sway Amsterdam, and soon, the two are locked in a brutal fight over control of The Five Points as society crumbles around them.


Based on the book of the same name, Gangs of New York is an enthralling look at a setting untapped by the cinematic medium, helped in large part by a solid script by Kenneth Lonergan, Steve Zallian and Jay Cocks. The story takes some liberties with the facts, but, as far as I can tell, it's a very accurate look at abolitionist era America. Some characters aren't really given enough to do, but the main players are very fleshed out, and the story moves at a good clip, culminating in an intense and horrifically violent final act. Solid stuff.

Leonardo DiCaprio teams up with Martin Scorcese for the first time, and it shows. Of the four times DiCaprio has worked with the american icon, this is easily the weakest. That's not to say it's a bad performance, it's actually fantastic. But, now, since we have three other works to compare it to, it falters. That being said, DiCaprio does very well as Amsterdam. As the man through whose eyes we see this epic unfold, DiCaprio shows a wide breadth of emotions and depth. His character is a focused one, which is a nice contrast to the wild men about him.

However, the real star of this thing is Daniel Day-Lewis as Cutting. Holy crap, can this mad do anything wrong, excluding Nine, that is? Day-Lewis simply amazing as this sadistic gangster, elegantly painting a portrait of an American tyrant. His performance is dripping with intensity, laced with biting humor, and filled to the brim with pure, unmitigated evil! So good is Day-Lewis that whenever he is on screen, everything else just seems to stop because you can only watch him. That man is a God!

Cameron Diz rounds out the main triumvirate as Jenny, a pickpocket who steals Amsterdam's heart, but it goes without saying that she is not up to matching wits with DiCaprio or Day-Lewis. I mean, she's good, certainly a lot better than usual, but her's is the one sour grape amongst the handful of sweet ones.

Other players include Jim Broadbent as the head of Tammany Hall, William Tweed, Brendan Gleeson as mercenary Walter "Monk" McGinn, and John C. Reilly as crooked cop "Happy" Jack Mulraney. Liam Neeson shows up in the beginning as Amsterdam's father. Pretty solid cast, if I do say so myself, and they all do excellent jobs.

Is that a milkshake?

Gangs of New York is probably director Martin Scorsese's most ambitious work to date, if only because the scale of the events he is portraying is so much bigger than we've come to expect from him. Sure, the main story focuses on a small group of individuals as has become tradition for the director's best works, but the backdrop is something far from intimate. Not only did Scorsese have to craft a well told story about corruption and violence, he also had to painstakingly recreate 1860s New York City, a New York City without such recognizable landmarks as the Empire State Building or the Brooklyn Bridge. He does an admirable job, painting a slick portrait of a darker time. Everything, from the cobblestone streets, to the costumes, to the makeup, looks entirely convincing.

It's also Scorsese's ugliest film, in terms of violence. While most of his other films excelled at small bursts of brutal, but somewhat elegant bloodshed, Gangs of New York pulls an about face in the first five minutes, showing, down to the minutest detail, a pitched battle between two gangs. The violence in this movie sickening, but that's the way it should have been. Guns and garrote wires are replaced with axes, knives, and often, your own two hands; you won't see someone getting brutally fish hooked in Goodfellas. Blood flows freely, staining the ground and the people around it. A man has a meat cleaver thrown into his back and is then beaten to death with a club. A man is killed and then strung up to a light pole for everyone to see. It's gory stuff.

The scale of the violence is also grander, often showing hundreds of people engaged in combat. The finale deals with the New York City Draft Riots, and you get the sense that Scorsese really wanted to show us everything. You feel like you see every stone thrown, every building burned, every life lost. It's a tense, horrific scene, that is one of the best sequences of pitched bloodshed ever put on film.

Scorsese does a masterful job of handling the scale, always having it add to the story of Amsterdam and Cutting, never having it overshadow it. Though the scale is the biggest he's had to deal with, Scorsese makes sure the story is always about the duel of wills between the two men. His stupendous direction of actors comes shining through; both DiCaprio and Day-Lewis turn in really excellent scenes.

Everything about Gangs of New York just works. Scorsese, once again, crafts an engrossing crime drama, but goes one step further than that and beautifully recreates an ugly and dark time in American history. Watching this movie, you gain a new appreciation for the times we live in. Sure, they aren't great, but they are so much better than they used to be. As the final montage plays, showing the genesis of New York from the dirty crime infested city it was to the cultural center of the world that is, you can't help but smirk at small fact. The founding fathers are on the bills, but the founding crooks ruled for far longer than anyone cares to acknowledge.



I Find My Lack Of Faith Disturbing

Friday, March 4, 2011

Sooo... uh... yeah. Normally, I'd be running Other Sides to the Conversation here, but, I have not, for the life of me, been able to find time to read up on my fellow bloggers are saying this week. I am sorry (seems as though I've been saying that a lot lately). Just click any link on the blogroll in the sidebar and you'll be taken to something excellent; I read only the best.

But hey, it's been a while since we had a furry. This is a wombat.

His name is Jerry. 

According to the Movies #27

Thursday, March 3, 2011

If the movies say it, it must be true!

This week's lesson is courtesy of the good man Fletch.

Action movies come with many tropes, larger than life explosions, muscles bigger than your head, the ability to perform abnormally well during sex, etc. One thing that often goes unnoticed, but is used to great effect to create the atmosphere, is the power of awesome music. See, awesome, bass heavy, in your face music is like pot. It slows you the hell down.

Case in point... these guys! (Click the picture for video proof.)


The Lesson: Playing cool music is like injecting your muscles with concrete. It makes you move slower than molasses, but you will look like badass while doing it.

Addendum: Exponentially cooler with an explosion behind you.

I'm just salivating right now!

FFTSBH Presents: The 1st Annual Snubbies Telecast

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Well, isn't this just lovely. Look at all these faces staring in awe at me. I know, you can't believe your eyes. Hello, and welcome to the 1st Annual Snubbies. I am your host, and I will do my best to MC this whole event without teasing or insulting anyone. I mean, Mel Gibson hasn't said anything too offensive in the past month, so it should be easy.
...
Wait, shit!

Ok, enough pleasantries. Your votes have been tallied. Let's get cooking.



A disclaimer before the jump: The keeper of the minutes for the ceremony decided to smoke a fat doobie before starting work, and as such, all the acceptance speeches have been lost. I do apologize. I will get better staff for next year when I have better funding.

First up, we have Aaron Sorkin, winner of this year's Best Adapted Screenplay Oscar, to present the Best Snubbed Adapted Screenplay. And the nominees are...

The Ghost Writer
Let Me In
Never Let Me Go
Rabbit Hole
The Town

And The Snubbie goes to...

The Ghost Writer


Next up, we have David Seidler to present Best Snubbed Original Screenplay. And the nominees are...

Animal Kingdom
Black Swan
Blue Valentine
Get Low
Made in Dagenham

And The Snubbie goes to...

Black Swan


Moving right along, we have Christian Bale to present Best Snubbed Supporting Actress. And the nominees are...

Dale Dickey (Winter's Bone)
Rebecca Hall (The Town)
Barbara Hershey (Black Swan)
Mila Kunis (Black Swan)
Diane Wiest (Rabbit Hole)

And The Snubbie goes to...

Mila Kunis (Black Swan)


Next up is Melissa Leo to present Best Snubbed Supporting Actor. And the nominees are...

Vincent Cassel (Black Swan)
Matt Damon (True Grit)
Andrew Garfield (The Social Network)
Armie Hammer (The Social Network)
Justin Timberlake (The Social Network)

And The Snubbie goes to...

Andrew Garfield (The Social Network)


We keep on trucking! Colin Firth takes to the stage to present Best Snubbed Actress. And the nominees are...

Lesley Manville (Another Year)
Julianne Moore (The Kids Are All Right)
Chloe Moretz (Let Me In)
Carey Mulligan (Never Let Me Go)
Noomi Rapace (The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo)

And The Snubbie goes to...

Noomi Rapace (The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo)


We keep going. Enter Natalie Portman to present Best Snubbed Actor. And the nominees are...

Leonardo DiCaprio (Shutter Island)
Robert Duvall (Get Low)
Ryan Gosling (Blue Valentine)
Kodi Smit-McPhee (Let Me In)
Mark Wahlberg (The Fighter)

And The Snubbie goes to...

Leonardo DiCaprio (Shutter Island)


Almost done. Enter Tom Hooper to present Best Snubbed Director. And the nominees are...

Ben Affleck (The Town)
Danny Boyle (127 Hours)
Christopher Nolan (Inception)
Matt Reeves (Let Me In)
Martin Scorcese (Shutter Island)

And The Snubbie goes to...

Christopher Nolan (Inception)


Finally, we have the duo of the hour, and head Snubbie spokespersons, Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Zooey Deschanel take the stage to present Best Snubbed Picture. And the nominees are...

The Ghost Writer
Let Me In
Never Let Me Go
Shutter Island
The Town

And The Snubbie goes too...

Shutter Island


Congrats to all the winners. That's all for the night. I promise that next year, I will do a better job with this. Hey, it was my first time hosting a big awards event like this. Do you know what I had to do to get the money to secure the venue? Unthinkable things that I would be arrested for even talking about. Cut a man some slack. 
 

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