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Vive La Françe!!!

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Well, that's it then, I guess. I'm off to the land of higher thinking and higher promiscuity. I'll be MIA for the next month, so, if, for whatever reason, you wish to contact me, don't! Hold it in. It can wait! The Black Hole is going to be collapsed for the time that I'm away. Kai and Dylan will be running Cinematic Caption over at Man, I Love Films. I have the utmost faith in them both to do me proud. Thanks loyal readers. You've been wonderful. See you in July.

So, that's that. Starting riiiight... now, je parlerai francais. Il sera spectaculaire! Au revoir, mes jolies. Soyez bon!


It's Called Bangkok For A Reason!!!!

Friday, May 27, 2011

Are sequels allowed if they don't really do anything new. Sure, Die Hard: Die Harder was set in an airport and all that, but all it was was Die Hard in an airport. Now, the studios would have you believe that this is totes-ma-gotes fine. After, they gotta make that ill money. But, does it matter to us, the cinematic viewer? Well, if the crowd I was just with at The Hangover: Part II is anything to go on, the answer is no. They were enjoying the hell out of it. But, did this pretentious, JoGo obsessed, Muse loving, 19 year old twit love it? No. The Hangover: Part II is not bad by any means. Had the first one never existed, this would be a truly special piece of comedy. But, the first does exist, making this one no more than a tired retread. It has it's moments, but it's not enough.

What could possibly go wrong?

The setting has moved from Las Vegas to Bangkok, and that's about all that's different. The Wolfpack, Phil, Stu, Alan, and Doug all head to Thailand for Stu's wedding. Stu is adamant that there will be no bachelor party, as he does not want to risk a repeat of their experiences in Vegas. Unfortunately, that doesn't really go according to plan, and the original three end up in a seedy motel in downtown Bangkok, far from their resort, with no memory of the night before, and, of course, hungover as balls! They also can't find Teddy, the brother of Stu's fiancee. What follows is an absurd tour of the underbelly of Bangkok to find Teddy that brings The Wolfpack face to face with gangsters, trannys, crazed tattoo artists, monkeys, and monks. And it all plays out exactly like the last one. Literally, note of note.

Ok, fine, there are some changes to the formula. Stu didn't lose a tooth this time. Instead he got a tattoo on his face. There's no tiger. Instead there's a monkey. They think they are getting to their prize and that all is well, only to find out that, no, it's not even close and they have a whole hell of a lot more searching to do. Stu is revealed to have done something very embarrassing sexually, and the whole thing wraps up nicely with a photo montage.

What made the first Hangover so good was the mystery. You actually had no idea what the hell happened to these guys, and had a blast discovering it with them as they went along. That mystery is all but gone here. Sure, there are some moments that are pretty surprising, but, for the most part, everything plays out exactly the way it did in the first one. Most of the revelations here seem to be setups for a "I can't believe this is happening again!" quip from one of the characters, which gets old rull fast!

A whole hell of a lot, that's what!

The main three are back. Bradley Cooper still does a fine job as Phil. Ed Helms is completely shameless as Stu. They are both still as charming as ever. I wish the same could be said about Zach Galifianakis' Alan. He was so delightfully stupid in the first one, but that's not the case here. He's actually kind of mean in this one, so much so that a lot of his gags aren't even funny at all. Cooper and Helms take some of the slack, but still. It's a disappointment.

Ken Jeong returns, batshit as ever, as Chow, the perpetually strung out mobster, Justin Bartha is given barely anything to do as Doug, and Jeffery Tambor is one scene and disappears for the rest of the films. Nick Cassavetes has a brief cameo taking over for Liam Neeson taking over for Mel Gibson. And of course, Tyson shows up somewhere.

It's pretty much everything you expect. The actors do a good job, but they are repeating the same schtick to a T. Boring.

Now, despite the fact that almost everything is on repeat, there are some truly brilliant moments. The revelation of what sort of sexual act Stu engaged in the night before is hilarious. The dialogue is still inspired in places, even if the jokes are not. And, not gonna lie, seeing these guys floored by their disbelief that this is happening again is really funny... the first time. After that, not so much.

It's not bad. Like I said, if it wasn't a sequel, it would be fantastic. But, for all it's raunch and absurdity, The Hangover: Part II can't rise above being a tired reimagining of the far superior first one. It's only real reason for existing is to steal all our hard earned dollars. In a summer that looks to be, once again, devoid of comedy, this one will likely stand out, if only because we will think so fondly of it's bis brother when we watch it. Sad times, but such is life.

Not So Savvy!!

Thursday, May 26, 2011

I'm pressed for time. It's late, and I got friends to see, podcasts to record, and packing to do tomorrow, so, this'll be brief.

Simon, I'm gonna be taking after your own style again. I hope you don't mind. For the record, you got my vote!


- Lack of Gore Verbinski really hurts this thing.

- Jack Sparrow can't carry a whole movie. He worked best as sort of a supporting character whose purpose was to liven up the main plot. Come to think of it, that's why the first Pirates movie is the only one that worked, since it's the only one that followed that trope.

- Never thought I'd say this, but I'd take Legolas and the chick from Atonement over the half baked missionary/mermaid romance that we have here.

- Director Rob Marshall should stick to elaborate, if unimpressive, musicals.

- That mermaid scene where the devilish sea bitches come and run train on the humans was awesome!

- Ian McShane makes for an effective villain. He says he's a bad man, and we believe him.

- Penelope Cruz serves no purpose other than to look hot... so you'll hear no complaint from me. :-p

- Jack Sparrow is still a boss, but he's running out of tricks. The judge thing was clever, but that's about it.

- This franchise has almost become a parody of itself. Are we done Disney? Do you think you've milked enough out it?
           - Of course not. Why else would you so unapologetically set up for a sequel?

- 3D was nothing special, except during the mermaid sequence.

- Overheard a conversation walking out the theatre that I think summed it up pretty nicely. "This may just be me, but I didn't get that movie." Well said, good sir!

In Need of a Horse

Monday, May 23, 2011

Time to break out my prediction hat, because Summer 2011 has begun. Though I am late to the party on this one, I see no reason why I shouldn't be able to judge. Anyway, as you no doubt are aware, I make a habit of predicting how the summer will turn out, movie-wise, based on how the first big show stopper does. Now last year, I royally screwed the pooch by predicting that, with Iron Man 2 starting things off strong, the season would be good. As we all know, Summer 2010, Inception notwithstanding, sucked a big fat one. Well, I hope I'm not wrong again, because if the kick off is anything to go on, Summer 2011 should be great! The kick off is Thor, the latest entry in Marvel's elaborate and ambitious cinematic universe. It's campy, over the top, and ridiculous. It's also spectacular!

Squeeze your belly!

See, the thing is, there are deities above us, looking down, observing our actions. Norse gods, to be precise. Housed the realm of Asgard, the god Odin rules over all the realms with wisdom and justice. He has two sons, Thor, who will ascend to the throne, and Loki, who will left on the sidelines. Thor is a hotheaded, arrogant warrior who, one day, provokes the Asgardian's mortal enemies, the Frost Giants, into breaking their truce and reigniting a bitter and bloody war. For his actions, Thor is cast out of Asgard and lands in, of all places, New Mexico, where he is picked up by Jane Foster, a scientist who is very interested in the portals Thor and Co. use to get around the realms with. As Thor begins to accept his new life in exile, his brother Loki is scheming something dastardly in Asgard, and soon, both sons are locking in a bitter conflict that will decide the fate of all the realms.

Norse gods? Otherworldy realms? Flying? A really athletic looking guy beating up giant ice people with a hammer? Yeah, this thing is absurd. Thor is very easily the most fantastical superhero movie ever made. Where most properties go for something resembling realism, with their grizzled heroes and real world setting, Thor is content to say, "screw you" to that, and go for broke. It was a big risk, but it paid off wonderfully. It's a very well told tale in the Marvel universe that manages to stand on it's own without being as facepalmingly stupid as Iron Man 2 was with the Avengers promotion. Sure, there're subtle references to Tony Stark and some gamma scientist (wonder who that is?), and you should keep your eyes open for a previously unseen hero who shows up, but, this is Thor's movie. It's the way it should have been done.

You'd have been forgiven if you thought Chris Hemsworth was an odd choice for the God of Thunder. His most well known role in the states was Kirk's father in the brilliant opening sequence of the new Star Trek, and that's about it. Lay your fears to rest, however, because he friggin' rocks the role! Thor is, honestly, a bit of a douche bag, and his scenes on Earth before he adjusts to human life are hilarious, as when he strides into a pet store and demands a horse, or when he declares, "This mortal form has grown weak. I require sustenance!" By contrast, the scenes where he has to kick ass and take names are awesome, and his few dramatic moments are touching and tender. Hemsworth owns it, making the role completely his own.

Along for the ride is Natalie Portman, wisely riding the Oscar wave with a big blockbuster as Jane, Tom Hiddleston as the devious Loki, Kat Dennings and Stellan Skarsgard as Jane's partners in science, and Idris Elba as the badass guardian of Asgard, Heimdall! Anthony Hopkins is Odin, and that's all you need to know.

Everyone leaves their mark. They all perform well, even if some of them aren't given as much to do. But, this Hemsworth's movie, and he runs away with it. I foresee wonderful things for him in the future, excluding The Avengers, of course.


So, a big, action packed blockbuster with a huge budget and massive marketing scheme. Does that sound like a movie Kenneth Branagh would direct? No? Well he did! I'm sure I'm not the only who was scratching their head when it was announced that Mr. Shakespeare would be taking the reins for one of Marvel's poster boys, but, upon seeing the finished product, I can't think of anyone else who would do better. Anyone else would have dialed back on the fantastical and made the movie into something more akin to every other superhero movie ever. Branagh, however, is known for going to extreme's with his movies. Seriously, his adaptation of Hamlet is one of the most over the top things I've ever seen. But, this is what was required for the project. Thor is supposed to out of this world, campy, and absurd, and Branagh goes to the lengthiest of lengths with it. The scenes in Asgard are bright and lively, popping with color and personality. Even the scenes on Earth have their own Branagh touch to them. It was an unorthodox choice, but sometime unorthodox is just what is needed.

Now, since this is a summer blockbuster, the action is going to be front and center and judged heavily. Branagh has never really done action before, but he is a virtuoso with his violence here. Like I said, everything about Thor should be crazy and over the top, and if the action in this movie is anything, it is that. The spectacle on display here is jaw dropping, from the opening scene that sees thousands of Asgardians and Frost Giants duking it out, to the finale that sees Thor and Loki battling against a backdrop of nebulas and stars. It's wonderful!

The 3D even works pretty well. The action pops in just the right way that 3D is noticeable and enjoyable, while not being a nuisance. It's more along the lines of Avatar and TRON: Legacy than Clash of the Titans. 

See Thor! Seriously! Do it! It's unlike any superhero movie you have seen or ever will see. The action and scope is spectacular. The writing is sharp and witty. The acting soars. The project was a huge gamble from the start, but everything about it just works. Summer 2011 better not let me down. It's started too strong for that!

New Locations

Sunday, May 22, 2011

So, Cinematic Captions has moved.

Starting today, the LAMMY nominated feature (how cool is that?) will be run through Dylan and Kai's site, Man, I Love Films! You can find the first edition here, featuring the current still from Terminator 3. If you've submitted for that one, no need to do it again.

I'm excited. The site, what with Dylan and Kai's significantly larger reader base, should bring in good deal more traffic for the feature. It'll be good.

The first edition of Cinematic Captions on MILF can be found here! Take part, and be merry!

As The Mass Exodus Concludes...

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

My freshmen year is over.

As I sit in my completely bare room, my bag on my bed, my guitar resting on my wall, my roommate is packing things up. In less than three hours, Spruce 108 will no longer belong to Lucas and Sebastian; it will just be calmly waiting for the next pair of first years, anxiously awaiting the first days of L&T, to leave their mark.

It's surreal. It went by so fast. I still vividly remember the day I moved in, the first few days of class, the best parties, the rehearsals and performances, the work, the girl I sought after, and I've been here pretty much 100% of the time since the beginning of August.

Well, I just thought I'd use this space to express some feelings of gratitude to those aspects of my freshmen year that warrant it. Here goes.

1. Thank you Leon Botstein for letting me into this crazy place. I've found a home here amongst the hipsters, and, at this point anyway, I can't fathom being anywhere else.

2. Thank you to all my teachers from San Francisco (at Urban, ACT, and beyond) for preparing for this step in my life. God knows where I would be if I couldn't write an analytical essay or effectively participate in improv games.

3. Thank you to the teachers here for all the wisdom, guidance, and advice. Jonathan Rosenberg, you are a G! Zakiyyah Alexander, you will be missed! Mustafa Abu-Sway, you're too smart to be teaching us. Odile Chilton, you prepared us for France like no one could! Merci beaucoup!

4. Thank you Andrew Lippa, Jean Paul Sartre, Sophie Treadwell, and Manowar. Your words, music, and stories made up most of time here, and I was honored to be a part of bring them to life on the stage.

5. Thank you Shakespeer, for giving me access to pretty much anything electronic that I wanted. So much music and so many movies at my fingertips. What the hell am I going to do without it this summer?

6. And finally, thank you to all the friends I made, in no particular order: Ben Hopkins, Harry Beer, Anna Denise Millard, Emmett Shoemaker, Sam Mintzer, John Doelp, Emily Scott, Evan Harden, Lucas Opgenorth, Will Tilghman, Emily Moran, Megan Kerriagn, Kate Edery, Allie Cashel, Gabby Goldstein, Katia Koziara, Keaton Ana Josephine Morris-Stan, Sarabeth Doble, Zachary Taube, Mike Kauffman, Andrew Levy, Joshua Parkin Corner, Emma Troisi, Victoria Tricoche, Anar Parikh, Rui Yang, Konstantinos Rizos, Sarah Poor, Gabriella Ricketts, Jordan Bayer, Ben DiFabbio, Donald Long, Elyse Neubauer, Rachel Marks, Kaycee Filson, Mike Porter, Kerk Soursourian, Caleb Parsons, Jen Biener, Carley Gooley, Michael Sullivan, Garrett Reuscher, Owen Robert Duff, Ashe Buchanan, Brenden Beecher, Ben Wszlaek, Miriam Natis, Sam Goldie, Luke Gresser, Ella Snow, Nicole Maron, David Sater, Michael Joseph Ernst, Cassidy Turner, Amanda Munch, Zia Morter, Ben Bath, Chris Buonanno, Ricky Maxx Gavrich, Nastya Valentine, Nicole Rosato, Steven Reiman, Nellie Barber, Milo Cramer, Ezra San Milan, Lena M. Tan, Sebastian Sarimiento, Lily Ellender Parmenter, Emma Horowitz, Tori Rulle, Kyla Mathis Angress, Jackie MacLean, Claire Thompson, Jennifer Schwartz, Mollie Braen, Brian Buchman, Patrick Jeffrey... and a whole bunch of other people that I can't hope to name right now. I already feel the void that will go unfilled all summer knowing that I'm am somewhere where these people are not. It's gonna be difficult.

Well, step one of my college life in complete, Freshmen year. Now on to step two, not having too hard a sophomore slump. Bye Bard! Love ya to death! Cya in the fall!

Cinematic Captions #20

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Alright folks! Number 20! Impress me!

But first, the winners!

Honorable Mentions: "So say we all?" (Courtesy of Aiden), "We did it doggystyle so we could both watch X-Files." (Courtesy of Kai).

This is historic. Our CC, Castor, is no longer in the lead. We have a tie.


Step up your game Castor! Simon's ready for a fight! She's a Basestar, and you're Galactica. Launch your vipers!

Wow, I really need to stop watching that show!

The Leaderboard
Castor (4)
Simon (4)
Feltch (3)
Univarn (3)
Kai (2)
Rachel (1)
Aiden (1)
Hatter (1)

I feel like some Ahnold is due! Yeah, let's get some of that Austrian hunk up in this piece!

Amuse me!

Glee Review: Prom Queen

Friday, May 13, 2011

This week's Glee review is gonna be setup in the same style as Simon's "Thoughts On..." posts. It's finals, and I gotta an essay to write, a play to revise, and 20 chapters of French to review. Anyway...

The writers acknowledging their bad songs was appreciated. Seriously! Somebody needs to be shot for the "Crazy In Love/Hair" mashup.

Blaine last name is Warbler? How fitting.

Christ, Jesse is a daft little douche!

Wha-WHAT?? "FRIDAY"??? WHAT????

For $5, those are some nice prom dresses.

I'll never understand the whole prom queen/king idea, but this episode makes me glad my high school didn't bother with the stupid thing.

Ending was nice.

God, people in this friggin' show never learn from their mistakes or take any lessons to heart.

Sue pulling a Marathon Man. Classic.

What kind of prom is over at 10?

Seriously! FRIDAY!!!!!!

According to the Movies #31

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

If the movies say it, it must be true.

Gonna delve back into the realm of action movies again. They say write what you know, and I know action movies. You don't mind.

So, every action movie needs a bad guy, right? Of course, because then it's just a bunch of meaningless explosions and death, or, as I like to think of it, Armageddon. But, The Movie Gods are lazy deities, and rather than craft stories that show the villain's motivations, they'd rather have a full bore monologue before the final confrontation. And this usually happens right when the bad guy has the good guy at gun point. And rather than do the logical thing and just shoot his opponent, the villain will usually milk the situation for everything it's worth and talk, giving the good guy plenty of time to find an escape.

Let's think. In Goldeneye, Trevelyan has Bond at gunpoint, and rather than shoot the double o, he pulls out some bullshit line, giving James the window of opportunity to kick out the floor from under him and escape. In Desperado, the Mariachi is cornered by Bucho, and all seems lost. But, Bucho would rather talk about some bullshit, and the Mariachi eventually gets fed up and blows him away. Every Scream movie ends with this exact scenario, sometimes with the villains behaving like even bigger turkeys and actually causing harm to themselves. District 9 is the worst offender of all. Wikus is cornered by Koobus, who proceeds to talk about how he is going to kill him, rather than just doing it.

Jesus, villains are friggin' stupid!

The Lesson: Villains are dumb! They'll have you cornered and will not finish the job. Don't worry. You'll have plenty of time to figure out ways to defeat them, whether it's dropping them off a satellite dish, having your alien cronies take them out, or with good, old fashioned lead. You're better than them!

Cinematic Captions #19

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Alright, folks. Cleverness caps on. Time to impress me.

But first, winners.

Honorable Mentions: "Don't Answer The Phone! Don't Open the Door! Don't Eat The Shellfish!" (Courtesy of newcomer Madgestic), NOOOOOOO, "I wanted to kill Osama Bin Laden" (Courtesy of Rachel [f.g.i.]), "Hello, fellow LAMB. Just wanted to let you know that The LAMMBYs are coming up and we are hoping for the best voter turnout for the nominations ever. Every Lamb #1-900 is eligible to vote (and to win!), and that includes you. To participate, please go to this site: http://www.misterpoll.com/polls/521956 Thanks!" (Courtesy of Max)

Hehe, Max. You just had to pick this post to put that comment on, didn't you?

This week's winner won because she did exactly what I had hoped for with this particular capture, noticed the seductive manner in which Ghostface was lying, and played it up!


You know, Ghostface, if you stopped trying to kill Monica from Friends and the girl who had lesbian sex with Denise Richards in Wild Things, some girl would probably find that mask pretty sexy.

The Leaderboard
Castor (4)
Fletch (3)
Univarn (3)
Simon (3)
Kai (2)
Rachel (1)
Aiden (1)
Hatter (1)

This week, I'm going the television route. I've been pretty much consumed with Battlestar: Galactica for a few days, so, I'd thought I'd share my current obsession with you.

Risque, I know.

Amuse me!

Bless Me Father...

Monday, May 9, 2011

... for I have failed.

Sad puppy

I've made mention of it before now, but one of my blog related new year's resolutions, apart from try and see a more eclectic mix of films, write more varied content and so on, was to post every day. From January 1 to May 6, I succeeded. Less than five months, and I already have 140+ posts in the bag. Being that that is close to my total post count for 2010, I'm incredibly proud of myself, doubly so when you consider the fact that very few of said posts were what would be described as filler.

But, it proved to be too much. Friday, May 6, was a hectic day, to say the least. Up and at em' at 7 for French, followed by work, then rehearsal, then college nightlife. Coupled with the fact that I couldn't think of a movie to review, or a lesson to provide, and the fact that I was just really tired with everything going on right now, well... you know.

And I know I'm making a big deal out of it. Sure, professional bloggers like Jeffrey Wells, or just more talented, smarter bloggers like Hatter or Univarn or Castor post stuff everyday. But, I'm not getting paid for this, so I know I shouldn't feel obligated to write everyday, and in no way could I ever hope to match my exceptionally gifted comrades, so I should just be happy with what I'm doing. Right?


Ok, sure. I can get down with that. I'm 19. I'm in college. I am very, and I mean very, focused on ingratiated myself into the theatre community, making friends, and getting everything out of Bard that it can possibly give me. And I think I'm doing a good job. Once this year is done, I will have been involved in, count em', five productions, have a whole new slew of friends that I am going to miss terribly over the summer, and, I'll be honest, have engaged in my fair share of debauchery. Shut up! It's college.

But, I was so worried that when I came here that this site would suffer, so imagine my joy when it ended up flourishing. And I wanted to take that to the next level; be as professional as I could be, given my circumstances. And I must say, I am disappointed in myself that I stumbled.

Too be fair, it was going to happen at some point. I am spending pretty much all of June in France as part of language immersion program, and I am committing myself to doing as little in English as possible, which means taking a break from the blog. I know. It's gonna suck not coming up with some absurd lesson for the week, not roaring with laughter at your submissions for CC, and so on.

But, you know, at the end of the day, it's not the worst that could happen. If anything, it serves as a reminder that I need to calm down sometimes. Maybe I can forget about some throwaway post for one day. It'll be alright. Like I said, I'm thrilled with how much I've accomplished already this year, in terms my own growth as a writer, and my continued efforts to broaden the community. And I'm not done with that yet, and I don't think I'll ever be.


Your Sunday Funny #13

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Because I Haven't Talked About JoGo In Forever...

Friday, May 6, 2011


By the way, I have contributed. Look me up. (On hitRECord, that is.)

Glee: Rumours

Thursday, May 5, 2011

MY GOD!!! Brittany's cat is fat!!!!

I guess the writers started singing my tune because they finally decided to address how incredibly incestuous the Glee club is. This week saw rumors fly left and right, orchestrated by (who else) Sue, threatening to break up all the relationships that have cropped up. In order to combat this, Will decree's that the week's lesson will focus solely on the album "Rumours", the undisputed masterpiece of the band, Fleetwood Mac. It's all meant to help the club channel all their strife into making great music, but, of course, Sue isn't gonna give up that easy! Drama, involving stakeouts, sexual politics, duet woes, and fat cats, goes down!

Meanwhile, April has returned, following a disastrous, all white, production of The Wiz on Broadway. She enlists Will's help in writing an original musical based on her life. It goes well, and April invites Will to come to New York with him to get the show on a Broadway stage. Though it's his dream to sing on Broadway, Will can't see himself leaving the club when they are so close to Nationals. What will the good man decide?

Unlike last week's extremely plot heavy episode where shit actually happened, this episode masqueraded as a plot heavy episode when, in reality, nothing really happened. Sure, there is a shit ton of relationship drama, but everyone ends up in the same spot that they started out in, albeit happier. The only people who go through arcs are Will, who is considering pursuing his own dream, and Sam, who, it is revealed, is going through some serious familial troubles.

Music wise, however, this episode was so close to a dream come true. Every song featured here harks from Fleetwood Mac's legendary album, which is alright by me; I do love me some "Rumours"! And there are some real winners in the selections. Kristen Chenoweth's moody take on "Dreams" killed. Santana's heartfelt rendition of "Songbird" was aces, and "Never Going Back Again" sung by Artie stole the show. Unfortunately, the two biggest songs in the selection are probably the weakest. Finn and Quinn's duet of "I Don't Wanna Know" was just alright, and Rachel's take on "You Can Go Your Own Way" was eh.

Honestly though, I'm just pissed they didn't play what is easily the best song on the album. I don't know how they would have worked "Gold Dust Woman" into the episode, seeing as it doesn't really fit any plot line, but I wouldn't have really cared. That song is all kinds of perfect, so any use of it is more than fine by me.

Humor wise, there were some real winners. To see Sue dress up as David Bowie and Ann Coulter in the same scene, all in the name of "being incognito" was HILARIOUS!!! Rachel going around and naming what each glee club couple's moniker is was funny, made doubly so by Puck coining the term "Pisces" for him and Lauren. And Brittany's online show, Fondue For Two, is some of the funniest stuff she's done yet on the show! AND MY GOD THAT CAT IS FAT... and a smoker, apparently.

Glee this week had awesome songs, and good laughs. But nothing really happened in the episode. We don't see the Kurt/Karofsky dynamic furthered in any way. We aren't offered any real insight into the Brittany/Santana thing. And so it goes. All this episode really did was further show off how fucking unreasonable these people can be with each other. Seriously! What is Quinn's deal? I know she's worried of losing Finn again, but Jaysus! Did she have to be such a bitch about it?

Oh well, such is life.

I want that cat. I could use him as a pillow.

According to the Movies #30

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

If the movies say it, it must be true!

So, teachers. Love em' or hate em', they are the people that we can usually thank for whatever situation we find ourselves come adulthood. You don't pay attention in class, you fail that one test. And if you fail that one test, then you get a bad grade, then you fail the class, then you go to bad high school, then you go to a bad college, then you get a bad degree, then you don't get the job you want, and the girl you want to impress won't be impressed, and you won't have kids, and your whole life will be ruined! Now why would you do that to yourself? WHY?

Sorry. Was channelling my 8th grade history teacher for a second there.

Anyway, the best teachers, obviously, are the ones who love their subject. Sometimes, they love it so much that they lose track of time. And inevitably, they are still talking when the bell goes off, and are left to hurriedly shout over the horde of bored students charging towards the door. And it will always be hilarious.

He's not kidding. It's his job!

The Lesson: You're teacher will always be talking when the bell goes off! And you will charge out the room, and the teacher will feebly try to get your attention about something. Maybe a paper that's due. And it's gonna be really funny!

Cinematic Captions #18

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Alright folks. Cleverness caps on! Time to impress me.

Seriously! New Blood! Please!

Now for the winner.

Honorable Mentions: "Lightsabers are for morons. Look - no hands." (Courtesy of Fletch), "25% lens flare, 25% Marsden, 50% neck muscle photoshop job." (Courtesy of Film Intel)

And the winner is... UNIVARN!!!!

I'm tempted to bring up a Brandon Routh from Scott Pilgrim image as a companion to this...

The Leaderboard
Castor (4)
Fletch (3)
Univarn (3)
Simon (2)
Kai (2)
Rachel (1)
Aiden (1)
Hatter (1)

... but I'm not going to. This week delves into horror.

Impress me.

Also I'm Sick...

Monday, May 2, 2011

Spring Fling has done terrible things to me and my comrades. Give me another day to recoup.

Your Sunday Funny #12

Sunday, May 1, 2011


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